I miss my hair. I miss the volume and definition it once had. It was so pretty and curly, but now it's grown out of it's layers and damaged; it's no longer the same. I've always wanted long, straight black hair. I firmly believed it was the definition of femininity and made me look the prettiness. But in the process of vanity, I had damaged my own hair.
I strayed away from my curls because of the attention my straight hair had brought me. I received more positive attention with my straight hair then I've ever gotten with my curly hair. I began to sincerely believe that I was only ever pretty with my straight hair. And I felt that my confidence was held by my damaged strands and a false reality.
I let outside hate and negativity tear down my self image and slowly destroy an important part of me that I was just finally beginning to love. I remember how truly happy I once felt when I had had my first few ringlets. All those months of products, commitment, and perseverance was finally paying off. I could hear my inner child squeaking in delight that I was celebrating something that's never been truly embraced before.
I've never seen many pale black girls with super curly (people like me) hair in the media before. As a child, my hair had not been take care of and or ever treated correctly. I've never had twists with knockers or box braids with clinking beads. I grew up with chemical hair relaxers and straighteners turned onto the highest setting.
I want my natural hair back, I long for it and I dread losing it in the first place. I want to see my hair flourish and shine once more again. But the process - although completely possible - is incredibly time consuming and a task I'm not 100% ready for.
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